A lot of relationships nowadays seem to happen over the phone. That “good morning” text we all seek, it’s great! But sometimes I think that we rely too much on technology to generate relationships, which isn’t always great.
Technology gives us access to people that we might not see everyday or have the opportunity to meet in real life. People have more balls over the phone; you can text or say whatever you want without having to see the persons’ reaction on the other end. It’s a great way to meet someone, but what about after that? Trying to build true meaningful connections over the phone… to me that just isn’t possible.
I feel like a lot of us can say before dating someone we go through the “talking” phase. What is that exactly? It’s a phrase us millennials made up because we don’t “date” anymore! We have to talk to someone over the phone for months before actually wanting to date them, its kind of ridiculous.
Then we finally meet up with someone we’ve only gotten to know over a computer screen and the chemistry just isn’t there. It doesn’t work out, but feelings are already involved because you fell for the person you made them up to be in your head. Interpersonal connections are extremely important. There is nothing better than getting to know someone in real life, seeing how they look at you, their true personality, their mannerisms, what makes them tick, that is what builds true attraction to someone – not an overly filtered Instagram or Tinder photo. You might not think someone is attractive based off looks alone, but when you spend time with someone in person and learn that you have chemistry, seeing how they carry themselves, and just vibe well is the best way to start a relationship.
Still not seeing where I’m coming from? Let me use a great example – reality television.
So I have a guilty pleasure for shows like ABC’s “The Bachelor/Bachelorette” and MTV’s “Are You The One”. Both are dating shows the contestants need to find love with people in the house. Some people watch and think it’s utterly ridiculous. Contestants proclaiming their love to one another, saying they want to get married, and how they found their soulmates, being utterly heartbroken if someone doesn’t feel the same way in return. Us viewers say “how can you fall in love with someone in just a couple weeks?” but when you figure out what’s actually happening, in my point of view, it makes a lot of sense.
So these shows invite people to live in a house together and they completely cut them off from all technology. For weeks they are getting to know each other with out the distractions of TV, cellphones, and Internet. I think this is what allows them to grow faster and deeper connections. (Yes, a lot of reality television is fake, but a lot of great real relationships have developed from them.)
Technology could just be our distraction from taking the time to know who someone really is. I think that people miss out on great relationships because of this and this is why the dating culture in our generation is so flawed. No one takes the time to get to really know someone and build a connection before were off to the next hot guy or girl we see on our timelines. If we aren’t receiving instant gratification from someone then we want to give up and move on. But real love doesn’t work like this, we can’t just give up when one thing happens that isn’t right. It takes time and energy, and I feel like technology prohibits us from doing that. I hope things can change in our dating culture, so our relationships won’t continue to be hindered.
I was in a situation where I talked to a guy over text more than I ever saw him, and I promised that I would never do that again! It was the best decision I ever made, and guys I dated since have been a lot more gratifying.
I’m not telling people they shouldn’t meet someone online, because it’s a great way to meet someone you might not have been able too – like I said before, but just make sure that you really get to know them in person because it will make all the difference and a more real and genuine relationship can develop!
Don’t let technology distract you and hinder a relationship from forming, that could be an amazing one. Lets date more, and “talk” less.