Cheating: Double Standards

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One of my favorite artists, R&B singer Kehlani, was in the hot seat for supposedly cheating on her boyfriend, NBA star Kyrie Irving. This blew up quickly on social media and people basically dragged her through the mud for it. It was so bad that it caused her to apparently attempt suicide! So this whole situation made me think of the double standards when it comes to cheating.

If Kehlani were a man.. would she have faced such wrath from the public?

DISCLAIMER: Before I continue, I need to make it very clear that I DO NOT condone cheating in any way, shape, or form. If Kehlani did in fact cheat, she is extremely wrong for doing so, and this situation moved me to write this post showing how men and women are treated differently/made to feel when they cheat on their significant other.

So here is a little backstory for those of you who don’t know: Kehlani and Kyrie have been dating for a little while now. They started off as friends and we all fell in love with them as a couple. I even remember commenting “goals” on their Instagram photos (yes I’m that person). They were great! Both awesome people, who were a little weird…match made in heaven.

So Kehlani used to date another R&B singer by the name of Party Next Door. They broke up a while before she started dating Kyrie, and none of us really know why. So the trouble started when PND posted this photo on Instagram:

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The public instantly knew it was Kehlani is his bed. This looked horrible because it insinuated that Kehlani was cheating on her boyfriend Kyrie with her ex, PND.

Kehlani’s Instagram comments were in shambles, calling her a whore, slut, hoe, anything you could think of. Saying the worst things about her. People thought:

“HOW DARE SHE cheat on Kyrie! He is such a good guy! She is so wrong for doing that”

I’m not going to lie, being a fan of her and not condoning cheating, I was one of those people as well. I was very disappointed to find this out, and I ashamedly admit that I said my fair of awful things about her. But why? Why do we do this?

Take away the fact that cheating is wrong and she shouldn’t have done it, but why did social media take it so far? Why were we SO angry at her? Men cheat ALL the time. I mean all the time. I can’t even keep track of how many famous men cheat on their girlfriends and even wives CONSTANTLY in the media. But for some reason we give them a pass. We almost EXPECT this out of men and it’s insane! Kehlani cheated once and that’s it, she gets no pass, her reputation and character are ruined. All because she’s a woman.

Going back to what I said before; I’m not saying what she did is right BUT we need to notice how we treated her differently for being a woman and not a man. People do awful things, and people make mistakes, but the punishment should be equal for EVERYONE.

As a modern woman of today, we are striving for equality among the sexes and we need to make changes as a whole in society and take the steps to treat everyone as equally as we can. It’s going to be hard don’t get me wrong, even I wasn’t aware of how I blamed Kehlani more than I would have blamed a man in the same situation. This is because we have been conditioned to believe these double standards, regarding men and women. But cheating is wrong, no matter if it’s a man or a woman. Recognizing the inequality of double standards is the first step for us coming together and making a change. I hope we can all learn from this and do better.

Kehlani is young and made a mistake, but I will always support her and her music, and am so thankful she did not succeed in taking her life over this! We love you Kehlani, you will get past this!

 

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4 Comments

  1. arianadesireee

    March 29, 2016 at 9:51 pm

    Thanks for speaking up on this important topic. One thing you didn’t discuss that I think is another crucial part of this situation is PND’s blatant exploitation of Kehlani. He posted an image that was essentially 100% identifiable as being Kehlani. This could arguably be explained as PND attempting to assert his dominance over Kyrie and publicly demasculanizing him by “stealing his girl”. Why is he getting off so easily? All you see people talking about is Kehlani being promiscuous or Kyrie being stupid and not man enough to keep his girl. PND is the mechanism people are using to perpetuate these jokes. He’s receiving no reprocussion when he could arguably be identified as equally guilty as Kehlani! And he did all of this with no regard to Kehlani’s feelings or reputation, leaving her completely exposed to public slut shaming. Food for thought, or maybe a follow up post!
    Love you Leeza.

    1. leezassmith@gmail.com

      April 4, 2016 at 11:41 am

      love you too! thanks for the comment. Obviously I agree with everything. Thanks for adding a different perspective.

  2. Dayna

    March 31, 2016 at 9:39 am

    I think its sad and a shame that women are subject to a different standard than men. Whatever the circumstances were. If she cheated so the fuck what!! Move on..like you said celebrities are always publicly cheating on their significant other in public and are almost never condemned for their actions! Its just really ignorant how she immediately is getting labeled a thot. People are disgusting. I could understand how she feels of wanting to attempt suicide but I am happy she didn’t go through with it. I blame PND, because he messed up her image on purpose, smh. Also its now coming back that she never cheated in the first place. I situations like this people need to mind their own business and have a seat because we are not the ones in the situation they are.

    1. leezassmith@gmail.com

      April 4, 2016 at 11:38 am

      thanks for commenting Dayna! Yea agreed, PND is def the blame. It horrible what happened and double standards are alive and well. She made a mistake, let her live. But social media trolls always take it too far forcing her to wanna attempt suicide. smh its horrible.

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